Déjà vu

My father which art in heaven. . .

As you might have noticed, I did not capitalize the word “father.” I was, of course, speaking about my earthly father, who passed away and went to heaven to be with Jesus and my mom. Even now, that fact is hard to type. I miss the man, his presence, and great advice. Because of this man’s stature and worth, God should have allotted him 15 more years like he did for Hezekiah [1]. I guess I’m being a little selfish but nonetheless, dad told me on his deathbed that he was ready to go be with Jesus and my momma. He was tired and worn out.

My dad was a man’s man. If he stood in a room with 99 other men, those who entered couldn’t help but gravitate to him. He was only six foot tall but he had a presence. At 85, he was still the strongest man I knew. There is no doubt in my mind that at 18 years his junior, he could out arm wrestle me, even if I tried to beat him. Dad would have also made a great evangelist. His was the most extreme conversion I have ever seen. Dad had a three foot rule; if you were within three foot of him, you heard about Jesus. Every night after we’d all retired for the evening, I could hear dad in his bed praying for his family and for all the countries of the world and the lost souls. It was heart felt and brought tears to my eyes to listen to him.

However, my dad was not without his infirmities. He’d had a quadruple by-pass and polymyositis. He had type two diabetes, neuropathy, and advanced asthma. Dad had been an athlete and was very athletic most of his life so when he became wheelchair bound, it hit his ego pretty hard. He insisted on doing much by himself. In his last couple years, he could barely walk, maybe 10-15 feet. You could hear him coming from the other room shuffling across the room, swoosh-sh-sh, then CLOP as his foot slammed down on the floor. Swoosh-sh-sh, CLOP. . .swoosh-sh-sh, CLOP. He was so-o-o proud of that 10-15 feet. I miss that clopping. I spent the last year and a half with my dad and at 10:30PM on the 9th of September, 2007, he went home to be with Jesus. Dad, this verse is for you. I am very proud to be your son.

I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith [2 Timothy 4:7 (4:1-8)]

There were many times in that last year and a half of his life that while trying to take care of him, it was hard to watch him struggle, especially when I had two good legs and two good arms. I never did convey what I was thinking to him, but I thought Wow, is this a picture of me when I get up in the years? I kept egging him on and once in a while; I’d get frustrated and try to help him accomplish what he was trying to do. I can only pray that I didn’t show my frustration and impatience to him.

Dad is gone now and here I am, going through the same bumbling and slow procedures trying to center myself before getting up out of a chair. In trying to walk across the room, I lean one way or the other. I have to lift my right arm with my left hand just to shave myself, and I can’t even hang a picture without help. My list of infirmities bypass dad’s easily with PAT (Paroxysmal Atria Tachycardia), MCI (mild cognitive Impairment or degenerative memory loss), BPH (Benign Prostatic Hyperplasia), arthritis, venous stasis, dermatitis, severely torn rotator cuff and tendons, and glaucoma.

I’m not complaining, just making a point that my parts are wearing out with age just like dads. What goes around comes around. It’s a part of life. Like dad, I have just about run my course, but also like dad, I have kept the faith. I wish my dad was still here so I could tell him one more time that I loved him and if I was impatient with him in that last year and a half of his life, I am SO-O-O sorry. You are the man and I love and miss you. I’d be happier than heck if I could become just half the man that you were. Thanks Lord for the man that you gave me for a father.

It’s probably a good thing that I am single and live alone – that way I don’t have to put my ex and kids through my bumbling around. I’m wondering now what my dad thought as sis and I stayed with him till his death. I wonder if he was embarrassed because of his bumbling, especially when I tried to help him. I hope I wasn’t too insensitive to him and his ego.

Like Paul, I don’t know what lies ahead for me [2]. I just know that. . .

V23 . . .my life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus – the work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God. [Acts 20:23 NLT]

I have much else to do as well. The Lord gave me two final nonfiction books to write, a fiction book to start and finish, and a blog with which to share the Good News with others. GBY’all. Lord, please give me the time to finish my assignments, in Jesus name – Amen.

For all my readers,
V24 May the Lord bless you and keep you
V25 May the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you.
V26 May the Lord lift His countenance to you and give you peace. [Numbers 6:24-26 KJV (From memory so I hope it’s close)]

NOTE: Can anyone relate to this?
[1] Isaiah 38:1-5
[2] Acts 20:22b

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